Be Black or Be White, No More Shades of Gray

I'm struggling at the moment. I'm trying to understand. God made me a music lover, but recently, I've been questioning whether or not Christians should listen to secular music. I'm struggling so hard. There are people who believe that you can, and people who believe that you can't. I don't know anymore. I know I believe in Christ, but I don't know if I am a Christian anymore. I talk to God, I get no response. As much as I believe that I am a Christian, I want to be able to walk in the spirit, and have open communication with God. But I am failing to do so. I believe I am opening myself up to God, but I must be doing something wrong. Like all people, I don't believe that I'm a bad person. But I don't know if something is wrong with me. I'm just struggling to find me and God. Anybody out there know how that feels?

So I'm Writing

Currently, I'm writing two stories (although I am working on one more than the other), one is a paranormal romance (or the romance of the other world i.e. vamps, werecreatures, people/cyborgs/humanoids from the future, etc), and a Christian fiction novel. Yes, I realize that these two are on complete opposites of the spectrum (well they are far apart, but not necessarily complete opposites), but I happen to enjoy writing both. One of the stories kinda cuts me to the quick, so I'm trying to prepare myself as I write.

Hopefully, I will get this job soon. A job with benefits would do me a lot of good. Seriously. I haven't had a dental cleaning since I was in the 10th grade....7 years ago. Before then, I'd never had one. It's amazing what you take for granted, after all, who wants to go see a dentist besides me?

That's it for now,

Peace and Blessings,
Bumble

It has been a while

So I am back! A few updates: First, I am a grad student in an Ethnomusicology program. What is Ethnomusicology? Glad you asked! First, in short, it is the anthropology of music. What that means is, ethnomusicologists study music, culture, and is contents. I have completely put aside medical school ambitions, as it made me more than unhappy. I would be lying if I said that I didn't want to be a medical doctor, but it just isn't for me, at this time. Eventually, if God permits, it may happen. At the moment, however, I am currently focusing on being the best ethnomusicology grad student I can possibly be.

Still trying to find a professional career, however, because even grad students have bills. And for those of us who botched our undergrad career, we have to work harder to support ourselves. I know I can manage it. After all, if I can work 4 part-time jobs, and still manage to graduate from a university, one professional job and grad school is possible.

Working on me. Learning to understand just who Bea is. After 23 years, it's appalling how much that I don't know about her, and she changes for the better everyday, so it makes a little bit harder to find out exactly who she is. But it's okay though. She's isn't lost, she's just waiting on her time to shine!

Well, that is pretty much it. I will post as soon as something more interesting happens in my life besides discovering books. Until then,

Peace and Blessings,

Bumble.