Identity

This is not a holistic definition of who I am, but it is a good start.

It was an assignment for my Anthropology 580 class.

Decided to post because it is a part of me.

I identify myself as a Black female. I am a Christian. My highest level of education is a high school diploma, as I am pursuing an undergraduate degree. I consider my political background to be Independent, but I tend to lean toward conservative—both sides are too extreme for me, and I find that I value characteristics from both sides. I have two brothers, both a generation older than me, and a younger sister, who is also an undergraduate student pursuing a degree in History, concentration on Africana Studies. Both of my brothers are close to forty—the oldest one is thirty nine and the youngest one is thirty eight. I am next, at twenty two, followed by my sister who is twenty one.

When I first arrived to USC, after transferring from the great Bethune-Cookman College, I was not only nervous, but reluctant. I am not absolutely Afrocentric, but I do appreciate some to the values that I gained from going to a mostly Black institution. I came home to help my parents support themselves, leaving a full academic scholarship behind, that I knew that I had to go to summer school to keep. To me, helping my family was more important than graduating without debt. As I was transferring here, I believed that I would lose a lot of the identity that I had spent my first year of college building. The deep-seated character that I developed while I was struggling working, while earning a degree at B-CC. The understanding that the world did not look like B-CC—where black students could be students without the emphasis of being Black students. I gained drive and passion and I applied towards earning my degree; no one else could earn it for me, and I was now responsible for myself. However, USC did change me and it was not as bad as I initially thought. Through my tenure at this university, I have appreciated me as a black woman more, and I am now in a degree program that was not offered at my other school, Anthropology. I have learned about many different programs and opportunities that I may not have discovered at the significantly smaller institution.

My biggest worry when I transferred to USC was that some of my professors would view my intellectual capabilities through my color. Some of my professors thought that I could not perform on level because I often came to class not as alert as my other classmates. I did not help matters much because I was working more than one job, and might have come off as lazy to my professors—but I was tired. Often times I would take 18 credit hours because I know that I can be lazy—I can be stubborn also, so I knew that I would have to push myself harder than they ever could. Sometimes it paid off tremendously, and other times it hurt me more than it helped. Additionally, when we did those introduction classes, where we had to tell what high school we came from if we graduated from a school in the state, I often saw students and professors cringe when I told them that I graduated from C. A. Johnson. Admittedly, there are times when I just did not understand a subject; like in my English Grammar class. It focused on grammar rules that I did not learn in high school—but it still did not stop me from giving my best effort. Sometimes, your best simply is not good enough.

Compared to my black peers, I am significantly different. I do not always follow the black fashion trends or listen to the black music trends. Recently, I have completely stopped listening to current rap music. It was extremely difficult to do, considering my love of all music, but the music itself is too self depreciating. I cannot, as a black woman, continue to endorse such terms as the “b-word” or the more commonly known term for a commercial sex worker. Ironically, I cannot separate myself from that image of hip-hop/rap culture, because it has been engrained in me since I was born. I was born when it was hip-hop/rap was on an incline, climbing and becoming better with each song. So much of it, is who I am. Not to mention when I moved to Columbia from Smithfield, NC, moving from a rural area to a much more urban area, it became more of who I was. I love Rock and Alternative music culture and fit pretty well within the Emo culture. Jazz is a staple in my life, especially when it’s Miles D. Davis and John Coltrane. In addition, I love the NeoSoul movement so that makes me more unfit to mainstream culture. Obviously, I do not fit in well with the other peers, because I am too entrenched in Black culture, yet I don’t fit in well with Black culture because I am too entrenched with the other. I am a walking paradox.