I am trying so hard to push past this hollow feeling...give it all up and trust in God. I've been reading for the past two days non stop because I don't want to think about my situation. I have always been a take charge kinda gal, and it is one of the hardest thing I've ever done.
The problem is, the moment I start reading, my situation pops in my mind. I get scared, and I feel like the weight of the world rests on my shoulders. I begin to hurt so badly.
Sometimes I have a hard time believing that a God who loves me could put me through this kind of pain.
I don't understand what I did to deserve this.
I am aware that uncomfortable situations are a significant part of growth, but it seems to me that my life has been a rollercoaster of pain, sorrow, fear, tension, self-doubt, self-pity, self-loathing, and no self confidence with few fleeting moments of joy.
I do my best to hold on to those moments, the moments where God showed up and showed out in a mighty way.
But its hard to keep those moments in mind when life continuously refuses to offer you solace.
I am so tired.
I mean beyond tired.
I'm struggling more and more to hold on.
I'm trying so hard to trust him.
Peace and Blessings
Bumble.
I want to offer words of consolation, but I fear I'm 1 of those people who's always incorrigibly tongue tied, despite possessing a heart housing an abundance of emotions and thoughts dying to be expressed.
ReplyDeleteI could say that I relate, but I know that I can't. Your situations are a stark contrast from mine. My life has been surprisingly sheltered. I've yet to experience a life obstacle that shook me to my very core. I feel that I'm at a huge disadvantage for this very reason.
You, on the other hand, were dealt a tough hand in life, constantly having to conquer challenges that only increase in difficulty as you progress. I can't fathom what constantly being in the throes of adversity feels like. I don't know about that, but I do know that you're incredibly intelligent, passionate about life, and capable of creating and spreading beauty at a moment's notice.
It's a theory of mine that those traits were realized and cultivated as coping mechanisms. Have you ever noticed how many of the most talented contributors to art and life came from rough, humble beginnings? I honestly rank you up there with the most influencial, talented, and inspirational people the world has known. I feel that you especially are here on Earth for a great purpose. Hold on and wait; it's only a matter of time before the world finally catches onto how amazing you truly are.