Be Black or Be White, No More Shades of Gray

I'm struggling at the moment. I'm trying to understand. God made me a music lover, but recently, I've been questioning whether or not Christians should listen to secular music. I'm struggling so hard. There are people who believe that you can, and people who believe that you can't. I don't know anymore. I know I believe in Christ, but I don't know if I am a Christian anymore. I talk to God, I get no response. As much as I believe that I am a Christian, I want to be able to walk in the spirit, and have open communication with God. But I am failing to do so. I believe I am opening myself up to God, but I must be doing something wrong. Like all people, I don't believe that I'm a bad person. But I don't know if something is wrong with me. I'm just struggling to find me and God. Anybody out there know how that feels?