Yet Again, Another Repost

From Bumble, Busy, Honey, Killer--It's Still Just Bea

Insomniac Thoughts

It's official. I am an insomniac. I don't sleep regularly anymore.

So I decided to write. Well type, but you get the gist.

Lately, I have been thinking about a lot of things.

But mostly, not being productive... Well not personal productivity, or things that would benefit me.

What I want to accomplish is bigger than me. It's become who I am. Accomplishment. The process of going after what you plan and want in life.

Outside of my career goals, however, I have done little planning.

Most girls my age know when, where, and why they want to get married. They know how many kids they want. What style house. How everyone will dress. What activities they will participate in...

I'm still hung up on the marriage part.

As a Christian, I believe that you are only supposed to get married once. If you divorce, you cause you and your partner to commit adultery--whether or not you get remarried.

I do enough of my own sinning to know that I can't be responsible for someone else's sins, especially, if they were the ones who decided that they wanted to walk out. Furthermore, with the divorce rate being 50%, I know I want to know who my partner is completely before taking that step.

Marriage is a vow to God. And it is better for you not to make that vow if you know you might not keep it. God, in the bible, compares it to a dog licking up its own vomit.

That is not to say that people who are divorced aren't Christians. That also isn't to say that all people who are married are Christian.

There are some instances that require divorce (abuse, incest, etc) but even then, the sin is still committed. But for me, the sin is outweighed by the content of the actions...

To say that I am confused my marriage is an understatement. (I didn't want to make this blog all about marriage, but that is where my fingers are taking me.) Love, apparently, is confusing enough, but marriage---is another whole issue.

I believe that there is one Adam for every Eve.

But what if something happens to that Adam? (i.e. Meets someone else of another background, becomes homosexual, becomes asexual, becomes non sexual (like a priest)) Then what?

What if life beats Adam down so badly that he doesn't want to search for his Eve? Where does that leave Eve?

Then there is the whole "the man is the head of household " thing. Honestly, I wouldn't have a problem with that, if Black men weren't so afraid of Black women. If a man were willing to step up to the plate, show me that he deserves to be followed, that he is a man of God, and loves me genuinely, I will move mountains and moon to ensure that his dreams and mine would come true.

I would spend my days aiding him to make him the best man he wants to be. I would spend my nights, being the best lover for him that I could be. I would soothe all of his wounds with my tears, and demolish those who cause him to hurt. I would take care of him, if he made sure my every need was supplied (as much as humanly possible).

If he loved me and never cheated, I would give him all of me, with the exception of what belongs to God--(my soul), but even a piece of that would be his, because if he is truly a Christian, that will be something that him and God would share, because he would reserve it for God too. And if he took the time to love me the way that God instructed him (As Christ loved the church), I would sacrifice me for him and treat him like the King he is.

But in today's world, Black men feel that that is asking too much. I weep for our former kings.

http://livesteez.com/livestyle/read/90/The-Blessing-The-Apparent-Curse-Of-a-Strong-Black-Woman


That article pretty much sums it up.
Here is another interesting one, that is also related (distantly) to this blog:

http://www.thenewblackmagazine.com/view.aspx?index=50

Thanks to @Shesouldeep {on Twitter, you should follow her} for providing them on June 8th..

I am at the point where I believe that Adam has given up on looking for me. I don't go looking for him. (See Proverbs 18:22)

One of my best friend's mom says that that shouldn't stop me from making myself available, because after all, God isn't going to drop him in the living room...

Well I think that is it for know. I know that I could type forever about this. It's an ongoing mental debate.

That's it for now.

Peace and Blessings
BUMBLE!!!